Confidence: What It Really Is, Why It Matters, and How We Build It in Coaching

Written By Aiden Murtagh

People often think confidence means being bold, loud, fearless, or flawlessly self-assured.

It’s not.

Confidence is something quieter, steadier, deeper.

Confidence is:

  • Self-respect

  • Self-trust

  • Alignment between who you say you are and how you actually live

It’s not about projecting strength.
It’s about knowing your own center — and returning to it.

True confidence doesn’t shout.
It settles into itself.

What Confidence Actually Is

Confidence is not a personality trait.

It’s a relationship with yourself.

At its core, confidence comes from:

  • Living in alignment with your values

  • Keeping promises to yourself

  • Acting in integrity

  • Respecting who you are becoming

When your actions match your values, something powerful happens:

You begin to trust yourself — and confidence grows from that trust.

Not instantly.
Not all at once.
But steadily, like a muscle practiced over time.

Why Confidence Feels Hard (Even for Highly Capable People)

Most people don’t lack ability.
They lack self-trust.

You may know what to do.
You may know you’re capable.
You may have the skills, the experience, the intelligence.

And still — you hesitate.

Why?

Because there is a gap between:

  • Who you know you are
    and

  • How you are showing up in the world

That gap creates friction:

  • Overthinking

  • Paralysis

  • Self-criticism

  • Imposter feelings

  • Emotional fatigue

  • Avoidance of opportunities you actually want

The work is not to “believe in yourself harder.”
The work is to close the gap.

How We Build Confidence in Coaching

Confidence is built, not gifted.

Here’s what we explore together in sessions:

1. Identify Your Core Values

Not the values you think you should have.
Not the ones you were raised to prioritize.
Your actual values — the ones that make you feel like yourself.

When you name these clearly:

  • Your decisions get easier

  • Your boundaries get clearer

  • Your direction becomes grounded

Confidence begins here.

2. Live Your Values in Daily Action

Values mean nothing if they are not lived.

So we ask:

  • Where are you honoring yourself?

  • Where are you abandoning yourself?

  • Where are you negotiating your truth to please, perform, or maintain peace?

Confidence builds when your choices align with your identity.

Not perfectly.
But consistently enough to trust yourself again.

3. Rebuild Self-Trust

Confidence grows every time you do what you said you would do.

Not grand gestures.
Small, reliable follow-through.

In coaching, we build:

  • Tiny wins

  • Repeated integrity

  • Momentum that compounds

Each small promise kept becomes evidence:

“I can count on myself.”

This is the foundation of confidence.

4. Reframe Your Inner Dialogue

Most people don’t realize how harsh their internal voice has become.

Confidence requires a new tone — firm, honest, compassionate, and grounded.

In our work, we shift from:

  • “What if I fail?”
    to

  • “What kind of person am I becoming?”

This changes everything.

5. Embody Confidence Physically

Confidence is not just mental — it’s somatic.

We use:

  • Posture

  • Breath

  • Eye contact

  • Clothing choices

  • Rituals that signal self-respect

  • Power-language vs apology-language

The body sends signals to the mind.
The mind responds.

Confidence becomes a felt state, not just an idea.

6. Practice Courage (Not Fearlessness)

Confidence doesn’t mean “I’m not afraid.”

Confidence means:

  • I can act while afraid.

  • I can move even with uncertainty.

  • I don’t need to feel ready to begin.

Courage is the bridge.
Confidence is what forms on the other side.

What This Work Feels Like

Confidence work is not hype or performance coaching.
It’s not about becoming a different person.

It is about:

  • Returning to yourself

  • Liking yourself again

  • Trusting your own voice

  • Standing in who you are becoming

This work feels:

  • Clarifying

  • Steadying

  • Strengthening

  • Quietly powerful

You won’t feel “high” after sessions.
You’ll feel centered.

And that’s the kind of confidence that lasts.

A Final Thought

True confidence is not loud.
It does not need validation.
It does not need to prove anything.

True confidence is:

“I respect myself. I trust myself. I stand with myself.”

From that place —
you make decisions differently.
You show up differently.
Life opens in new ways.

You don’t become someone new.
You become fully yourself.

Aiden Murtagh
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